1
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,335
[THEME MUSIC]
2
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:38,204
Did you win?
3
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:44,907
That's what I call losing the battle,
but winning the war.
4
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:49,040
Hurry up, Hank. Finish your beer.
It could be the winning Alamo Beer can.
5
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:52,585
The odds of winning that contest
are 1-in-1,000,000.
6
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,685
Yeah, if you only drink one beer.
7
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:58,556
[SLURPING]
8
00:00:58,659 --> 00:00:59,820
[SIGHS]
9
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:05,459
Imagine, Hank.
A trip to New Orleans,
10
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:08,035
a chance to meet
"Dandy" Don Meredith
11
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:11,503
and win one of those really
big cardboard checks.
12
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:17,074
"Sorry. Please drink another beer."
13
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They ask nicely.
14
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,943
"Sorry. Please drink another beer."
15
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[BILL BELCHING]
16
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,186
That made some room.
17
00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:29,879
I think I'm gonna call it a night.
18
00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:32,425
Pour it on the ground.
See if you won.
19
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:36,793
I have never poured out beer,
even to put out a grass fire.
20
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,699
[LIGHT COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
21
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:53,269
- LUANNE: Hey, Uncle Hank.
- HANK: Luanne.
22
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[LIGHT COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
CONTINUES]
23
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,581
[SLURPING]
24
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:01,654
[SIGHS]
25
00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:10,994
[SCREAMS DELIGHTEDLY]
26
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,733
First of all, you didn't win anything.
27
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,259
I won $1 million.
28
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,965
No, the contest gives
the winner the right
29
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,974
to go to the Dallas Cowboys-
New Orleans Saints game
30
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:25,078
and throw a football
through a small hole
31
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:27,604
in a large beer can for $1 million.
32
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:32,276
Or have Dallas Cowboys legend
Don Meredith throw it to win $100,000.
33
00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:36,116
If you'd read the point-of-purchase display
at 7-Eleven, you'd know that.
34
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:40,182
Okay. So I throw the ball
through the hole and then I win.
35
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:43,263
No, I paid for that beer.
So it's mine.
36
00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:47,829
Let's just say it is your beer.
How old are you?
37
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,231
Nineteen-and-a-half.
38
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:52,033
Exactly. If you tried
to claim your prize,
39
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:54,608
you'd be incarcerated
for underage drinking.
40
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,234
So, if it's your beer,
you'd get to go to jail.
41
00:02:57,344 --> 00:03:00,644
Now, if it's my beer, you get to come
to New Orleans with us.
42
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:03,043
- Your call.
- New Orleans!
43
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:04,140
[GIGGLES EXCITEDLY]
44
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:07,243
So, Hank, what are you gonna do
with the $100,000?
45
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,980
Course, you could go
for the $1 million.
46
00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:13,124
[DALE, BILL, AND BOOMHAUER LAUGHING]
47
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:16,258
I don't think a civilian's ever made it.
48
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:20,766
A 10-yard pass through a 1-foot hole,
people screaming in the stands.
49
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:24,326
- BILL: Thank God for Don Meredith.
- DALE: Thank you, God.
50
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:30,967
It's like they're paying us $100,000
to meet Don Meredith.
51
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,046
Something I would have done for free.
52
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:37,344
That money could pay for Bobby's college,
and a mini-fridge for his dorm room.
53
00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:41,621
You know, we could buy all sorts
of higher education
54
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,953
- and appliances with $1 million.
- What?
55
00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:48,551
Are you really thinking
of taking that throw yourself?
56
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:52,089
What would you think
if I was thinking that?
57
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:56,599
Honey, if you are willing to give up
a sure thing and go for the million,
58
00:03:56,703 --> 00:04:00,139
you've got more frijoles
than any man I've ever known.
59
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:01,770
[HANK MOANS]
60
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:06,443
[COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
61
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:16,847
[COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES]
62
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,363
DALE:
What you doing, Hank?
63
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:28,201
I'm just seeing what it's gonna be like
for Don Meredith at the Superdome.
64
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:29,769
How about I come with?
65
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:33,773
I've always wanted to eat fried dough
in the most corrupt city on earth.
66
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,141
That's nice and all,
but you don't have to bother.
67
00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:41,203
It's no bother. You can drive us,
and we'll stay in your hotel room.
68
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,301
I guess we could--
69
00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:46,948
Wingo, men!
We're going to "Nahlens"!
70
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,044
You know, I'll come with, too.
71
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:51,058
The Dauterives
are from Louisiana.
72
00:04:51,141 --> 00:04:53,992
I lived in the Bayou
till I was six years old.
73
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:57,530
My Aunt Esme still lives there.
You think we could look her up?
74
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:02,868
Dang it, I know we can. I planned out
the route to New Orleans very carefully.
75
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,438
There is plenty of time for a side trip.
76
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:09,734
Bill, I didn't know you grew up
in Cajun country, and I don't care.
77
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,045
[GRUNTS]
78
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:14,370
[GRUNTS IN SATISFACTION]
79
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,875
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
80
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,287
And how is my man
with the golden arm?
81
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,383
HANK:
Call the bank.
82
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:31,692
Make sure they have room
in our account for $1 million.
83
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:33,425
You're gonna go for it?
84
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,695
- PEGGY: Oh, Hank.
- HANK: Yeah.
85
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:38,230
Well, I made 42 out of 50.
86
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:42,468
Would have made 43 but I used a throw
to drop a blue jay at 20 feet
87
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:45,602
- before he could poop on your car.
- You're that good.
88
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:49,413
I guess you could say
my aim is deadly.
89
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,483
[CHUCKLING]
90
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,946
That blue jay is fine, though.
91
00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,920
[CLERK SPEAKING CAJUN FRENCH]
92
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,122
[LAUGHING]
93
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,966
He's speaking some kind of French.
94
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:10,401
Let me handle this. I speak Spanish.
It's the same thing.
95
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,295
[SPEAKING BROKEN SPANISH]
96
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:19,108
He wants a tip.
97
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,780
[SPEAKING CAJUN FRENCH]
98
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:30,247
I had no idea that you spoke Cajun.
99
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:33,627
Perhaps that's because
I try not to ask you questions.
100
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,491
I had no idea either.
101
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,863
[SPEAKING CAJUN FRENCH]
102
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:44,369
Good Lord. I always figured
your family lived in a tarpaper shack.
103
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:45,494
Nope.
104
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,802
[LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
105
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,208
[ALL EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT]
106
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:53,446
[ESME GASPS]
107
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:54,672
[EXCLAIMS FONDLY]
108
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,873
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
109
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,246
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
110
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:15,196
Who are you?
Answers in the form of English, please.
111
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:19,066
I am Jobaire Fontaine
Delatur Dauterive,
112
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,364
the man of the house.
113
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,244
Dale Gribble.
114
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:29,177
I am Rose, the youngest.
115
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,408
Oh, yeah.
116
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:33,578
I am Lilly, the youngest looking.
117
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:37,451
You're terrible.
I am Violetta, the pretty one.
118
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,658
You are a garden of women.
119
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:42,626
And you are the Guillaume
we've heard so much about.
120
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:45,926
The last remaining Dauterive male or,
should I say--
121
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:47,295
Don't bother.
122
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,965
[LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
123
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,335
[GRUNTING]
124
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:54,970
[CHUCKLES IN SURPRISE]
125
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:59,045
- You kind of snuck up on me there.
- I'm terribly sorry.
126
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,874
I've always been a creeper.
127
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,245
Violetta says I creep
like the kudzu vines
128
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:06,115
that are slowly,
but surely strangling our Dixie.
129
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,186
[EXCLAIMS]
130
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,755
What fascinating thing
are you all doing?
131
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:13,819
I'm gonna be throwing
at a target about yea big
132
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,588
at the Cowboys-Saints game.
133
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,925
If I make it, I win $1 million.
134
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:20,658
Golden Richards
was a Dallas Cowboy.
135
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,960
Yeah, he caught a touchdown pass
in Super Bowl XII.
136
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,902
He was a beautiful man.
I knew him briefly.
137
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:29,571
[HANK GRUNTS EMBARRASSEDLY]
138
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:36,348
ESME:
My husband, Alfonse Dauterive,
139
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:39,984
- Guillaume's uncle by blood.
- When did he pass?
140
00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:44,055
He lingers in a room
in the back of the house,
141
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:47,991
hanging on by the thread of a hope
he'll see the Dauterive name
142
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,563
passed on to another generation.
143
00:08:50,897 --> 00:08:53,559
Does Guillaume have any sons?
144
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:57,125
No. Bill is unhappily divorced
and without child.
145
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,227
[ESME SIGHS]
146
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:02,206
Pity. The Dauterive blood
is down to a trickle.
147
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:06,003
My two sons and my son-in-law,
Jirac, Renee, and Emeril
148
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:09,776
died of arteriosclerosis in their 20s,
149
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:14,917
leaving three desperate childless widows
to wander this house.
150
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,823
They are strings on a harp
151
00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:20,723
stretched far too taut.
152
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,622
If they are not strummed soon,
I'm afraid...
153
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,825
[CHUCKLES MISCHIEVOUSLY]
154
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,929
They really need to be strummed.
155
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,264
This is right out of Shakespeare.
156
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,868
ROSE:
This is my husband Jirac.
157
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:38,467
The Louisiana diet will kill a man
as surely as a sword.
158
00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:40,204
[BILL STAMMERING]
159
00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:44,340
- You're not married?
- I'm all alone in this world, Guillaume.
160
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:46,978
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
161
00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,682
[BOTH MOANING]
162
00:09:51,991 --> 00:09:52,958
[ROSE GASPS]
163
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:55,528
[GROANS]
164
00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:56,618
[TRIANGLE CHIMING]
165
00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:59,289
Rose? Rose?
166
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,928
Hello, Lilly. That was pretty.
167
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:05,767
Was that a song or is it suppertime?
168
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:09,938
My late husband Renee and I
used to make music together.
169
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,537
Now they're only notes.
170
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:17,917
[BILL HUMMING]
171
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:23,920
- [CRYING] You play beautifully.
- I'm as surprised as you are.
172
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,286
[BILL MOANING]
173
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,163
[BOTH MOANING]
174
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,298
[GROANS]
175
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:40,537
Robaire, a young gentleman like you
should dress for dinner.
176
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:45,237
Let's just poke around my old chifforobe
and find you something suitable.
177
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:50,306
My Lord. This muggy November weather
gives me the horribles.
178
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:53,980
Robaire, this here is velvet,
not velveteen.
179
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,172
A gentleman must learn the difference.
180
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,547
My Lord.
181
00:10:59,668 --> 00:11:03,400
JOBAIRE:
Dinner, like youth, will be served.
182
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,791
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
183
00:11:05,532 --> 00:11:06,499
Yo.
184
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:09,101
LILLY:
Hello.
185
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,031
I present you young Master Robaire.
186
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,102
[ALL APPLAUDING AND MURMURING]
187
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:21,676
- ESME: Lovely.
- HANK: Oh, my God.
188
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:25,775
Bobby, why don't you
let me sit next to Jobaire,
189
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,953
so we can talk sports.
190
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:32,983
So, Jobaire,
how do the Saints look this year?
191
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:37,420
I'm more familiar with sinners
than saints, my dear,
192
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:41,125
and sinners always look good.
193
00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:46,094
[PLAYING LIVELY ACCORDION MUSIC]
194
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,115
HANK:
Get me out of here.
195
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,485
Honey, you need to try and relax
before your big throw.
196
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:04,784
[SIGHING]
Yeah.
197
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:07,723
I'm not sure being a millionaire
is such a good idea.
198
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:10,455
Bobby's only been around
rich people for a few hours,
199
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,498
and he already looks
like that kid on the paint can.
200
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:16,102
There's more to it than that,
isn't there?
201
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:20,962
This place. It gives me the creeps.
Everything's upside down.
202
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,475
Bill's getting women,
and Bobby, well...
203
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,273
I missed a bunch of throws today
and I'm just thinking...
204
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:30,409
What happens when I get to the
Superdome with all those fans watching?
205
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:33,451
Don't you think Don Meredith
missed a few passes in practice?
206
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:37,353
But when the game was on the line,
he put it right on the money
207
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,358
to "Bullet" Bob Hayes
and Lance "No Pants" Rentzel.
208
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,827
See, that's just it.
He's the quarterback.
209
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:46,627
I bet if the contest was about
selling propane, he'd let me do it.
210
00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:48,830
You can do this.
211
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:52,803
Then, after we get back to Arlen,
we'll put the $1 million in a trust fund
212
00:12:52,905 --> 00:12:55,431
so it won't ruin Bobby
till after we're dead.
213
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,432
[HANK SIGHING]
214
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,136
I hate zydeco.
215
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,214
HANK:
Where's your bag, Bill?
216
00:13:01,297 --> 00:13:03,246
BILL: I've decided
to stay for a few days.
217
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:06,416
Those women are trying to seduce you.
218
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:09,489
You think so, too?
I was afraid it was just me.
219
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:13,457
Listen to me. Two of these women
are widows of the dead Dauterive sons.
220
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,654
They are only related by marriage.
So, they are in play.
221
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:19,733
But one of them
is your flesh-and-blood cousin.
222
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:21,926
She is your ticket to hell.
223
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:25,061
Oh, my God.
Which one is my cousin?
224
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:26,438
That I do not know.
225
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:30,031
So, just to be safe,
keep your hands off all three.
226
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:35,540
I still have a 2-out-of-3 chance.
I never had those odds.
227
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:37,912
- Bill, if you think--
- Goodbye, Peggy.
228
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:46,282
I need a window seat
because this flower is wilting.
229
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,394
Lord! All right, everyone in the car.
Now. Go.
230
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:54,791
Have a pleasant journey,
and don't be afraid to ask directions
231
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:58,895
from someone who has already been
where you think you need to go.
232
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,339
What's that supposed to mean?
233
00:14:00,456 --> 00:14:02,964
Let "Dandy" Don Meredith
take the throw.
234
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,355
[SIGHS]
235
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:18,689
[STATELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
236
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:23,885
- I'd like you to meet Don Meredith.
- So, you must be Hank Hill.
237
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:28,898
Mr. Meredith, I have admired you
from your playing days
238
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:32,460
to Monday Night Football
to your iced-tea commercials.
239
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,872
My mom always calls me
"Don" or "Donnie."
240
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,032
[CHUCKLES]
Wow!
241
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:39,271
That's a great story, Mr. Meredith.
242
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,113
Sir, this is my wife, Peggy.
243
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,307
If you were a woman,
244
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,613
I believe my husband would have
married you instead of me.
245
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:48,619
Funny how life works out.
246
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,387
Who's this little future nose guard?
247
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,925
Look, Don, I'm a dandy, too.
248
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:56,154
Why, you sure are, little sport.
249
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,154
Yeah.
250
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,166
That reminds me, Don.
251
00:15:00,249 --> 00:15:03,167
I've got your old jersey for you
to wear during the contest.
252
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:04,236
[HANK WHISTLES]
253
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:07,201
I hung that thing up a long time ago.
254
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,705
Why don't you let
my friend Hank here wear it?
255
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:12,801
I would be honored.
You got the pants, too?
256
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,547
Cowboy metallic blue.
257
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,738
[CHUCKLES]
258
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:18,908
Like father, like son.
259
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,678
There you go, sport.
260
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:24,783
[GRUNTING]
261
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:27,990
[SCREAMS]
262
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:32,599
I was just tidying up
your husband's grave.
263
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:35,963
You are a sweet man.
264
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:41,972
Dauterive! Your husband is a Dauterive,
and he's dead.
265
00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:43,439
- Take me.
- Okay.
266
00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:46,234
[BILL AND ROSE MOANING]
267
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:50,743
[CROWD CHEERING IN DISTANCE]
268
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,614
[MARCHING BAND MUSIC]
269
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:55,517
PEGGY: Now's the time to fake an injury
if you want to.
270
00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:59,122
It's halftime. We're on.
271
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,486
[HEROIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
272
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,494
[CROWD CHEERING]
273
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:20,437
Now it's time for
the Alamo Beer Million Dollar Throw.
274
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:24,274
Alamo Beer would like to
welcome our contest winner,
275
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,613
Hank Hill from Arlen, Texas.
276
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:30,949
And Dallas Cowboy legend,
"Dandy" Don Meredith.
277
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,391
Hey, Dad!
278
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:36,051
What's it gonna be, Hank?
Are you gonna go for the million,
279
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:39,723
or are you gonna let "Dandy" Don
try for $100,000?
280
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:42,367
[TENSE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
281
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,851
Don't worry, Peggy.
Our boy's going to college.
282
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,751
I'm gonna take the sure thing.
283
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:09,657
Aren't you gonna take off your jacket?
284
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:14,000
[THRILLING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
285
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,432
[CROWD EXCLAIMING IN DISAPPOINTMENT]
286
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,135
[GRAVE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
287
00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:19,295
Tough break, son.
288
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:22,136
ALAMO MAN: How about a nice hand
for "Dandy" Don Meredith?
289
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:26,336
He didn't even take off his jacket.
I want a do-over.
290
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:30,143
I could have made that throw.
Where are you going?
291
00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:33,810
You owe my son a college education.
You! Get back here.
292
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,679
[CROWD EXCLAIMING IN SHOCK]
293
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,453
[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
294
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:40,592
Rose?
295
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,853
- It is I, Violetta.
- I'm glad you're here.
296
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:48,433
- Can I ask you something?
- The answer is yes.
297
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:51,060
I know. But your first husband,
298
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:54,367
what is the name
on his final resting crypt?
299
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:57,340
- Answer him, Violetta.
- Lilly, be gone!
300
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:01,111
This is wrong.
Violetta is your blood cousin, Guillaume.
301
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,957
She is lying. I am
not your cousin. She is.
302
00:18:04,024 --> 00:18:05,446
You are the liar.
303
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,245
ROSE:
Guillaume.
304
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:08,353
Rose?
305
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:12,022
We are not alone.
306
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:14,855
Yes. I know. She is your cousin.
307
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,986
- No, she is.
- No, she is.
308
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,366
[WOMEN GRUNTING]
309
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:23,902
[BILL GROANS]
310
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:29,575
- Jobaire?
- Your cousin is Violetta.
311
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,005
[VIOLETTA HISSING]
312
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,697
Now, how long you been sitting there?
313
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:37,815
Thirty-five years.
314
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:42,386
I was the quarterback,
and I had a clear path to the end zone.
315
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:45,623
Instead, I handed it off
to a guy in a fuzzy coat
316
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,426
who threw it like a place-kicker.
317
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,757
I do believe I'll give
room service a jingle
318
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:53,833
and have them send up
some �touff�e.
319
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:57,433
BOBBY:
No!
320
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,434
[COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
321
00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:09,307
- Hold it right there.
- What do you want?
322
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:10,507
An apology.
323
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:14,319
You're the one who blindsided
a quarterback at the knees, hoss.
324
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:16,021
Well, yeah.
325
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,341
I guess that was
unsportsmanlike conduct.
326
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:20,389
I'm sorry. But still...
327
00:19:21,069 --> 00:19:24,061
Here's my point.
I would have made that throw.
328
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:28,567
If "if" and "buts" were candy and nuts,
we'd all have a Merry Christmas.
329
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:31,433
- I would have.
- All right, hoss, prove it.
330
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,398
Take us to the Superdome, cabby.
331
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,937
Violetta tells me she discovered you
332
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:39,012
in a compromising position
with Rose and Lilly.
333
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:40,907
Tell me this.
334
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:45,414
Were you here to till the soil
and nurture the vine,
335
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,852
or were you just
playing in the garden?
336
00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:50,922
Playing.
337
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:55,321
I think it would be best
if you took your leave.
338
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,491
Can I say goodbye to the girls?
339
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,090
Ten yards, one shot.
340
00:20:04,403 --> 00:20:07,532
[SOLEMN INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
341
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:14,645
Congratulations, son.
You feel better?
342
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:20,650
HANK: No, it's not the same.
There's no fans in the stands.
343
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,878
There's no pressure,
and I didn't win $1 million.
344
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:27,983
Let me tell you something, Hank.
What happened yesterday is gone.
345
00:20:28,494 --> 00:20:31,361
Maybe you would have made that throw,
but you picked me.
346
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:35,867
Yeah, I picked you. But I thought at least
you would have taken off your jacket.
347
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,460
I practiced that throw
all week at home.
348
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:42,030
I even made a 10-foot-tall replica
of the Alamo Beer can.
349
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:44,575
It gets cold in New Mexico
this time of the year.
350
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:47,578
So I wore my coat.
I wasn't gonna change that yesterday.
351
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,206
I didn't want to screw up
my throwing motion.
352
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,485
Had I known that,
I probably wouldn't have tackled you.
353
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,022
Damned if I didn't want
to come through for you.
354
00:20:57,123 --> 00:21:01,651
I'm sorry I let you down, but you'll be
a lot happier if you let this one go, Hank.
355
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,863
I'll never have a chance like this again.
356
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:05,525
Nope, you won't.
357
00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:09,225
There's something I wanted as much as
you wanted that $1 million.
358
00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:14,034
You have everything. You were a Cowboy
during the Landry years.
359
00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:18,140
I wanted to go to the Super Bowl.
Came close, but it never happened.
360
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:21,577
Never will. And that's all right.
I've never looked back.
361
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:27,550
It is an honor just to be
on the field with you, "Dandy" Don.
362
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:29,844
[SLOW COUNTRY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
363
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,887
I built a 10-foot Alamo Beer can, too.
364
00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:35,557
- DON: Did you spot-weld it or hot glue?
- HANK: Weld.
365
00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:37,755
DON:
That's the only way to go, hoss.
366
00:21:42,368 --> 00:21:44,166
[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]
367
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:49,332
- Nice weekend, Bill?
- Both of them.
368
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,045
[THEME MUSIC]
369
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:29,672
HANK:
That's a great story, Mr. Meredith.
370
00:22:29,722 --> 00:22:34,272
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